Day 31 (7WJ) – Oops! Maybe 8 Weeks!

by BarbPosted on June 24, 2015 Posted in Uncategorized — No Comments ↓

It has been an incredible 8 days since my last post.  My bad!  That lapse was not what I intended.

In that time I finished a two-leg trip and started a third journey.  It has been a whirlwind of activity and I find myself in the state of wonder, wondering what comes next.

My two-leg trip began as a workshop facilitator for leaders across the state.  It is tiring, but a job that I absolutely adore.  When I received my feedback I was told, “You have no idea how well thought of you are!”  Ahhh!!!  Truthfully, that is a correct statement.  But, I think the introspection is for another post.

The second part of my journey was to a brief conference that was necessary but less than motivational.  I’m sorry!  If something doesn’t motivate me…it doesn’t need done.  Period.  At least not by me. New rule to live by!!

After a quick two-day turnaround, I’m in Tallahassee getting my youngest settled for college and going through orientation.  I wish they realized that longer is not always better and immersion is only as effective as one’s engagement in the process.  I left my daughter at 7:30 tonight.  She was exhausted and cranky and still had at least 2 hours to go.  Clearly doesn’t set the stage well.  I know she is excited.  She is also nervous and exhausted.

Speaking of which, I woke up this morning in near panic mode.  In two days I will leave this daughter who I have held life together for and in reality, she has been the force that has held me together.  So without that glue, who am I?  What is my propulsion? My sticking force?  I guess that time will tell.

Finally, I titled this, “Oops, Maybe 8 Weeks”.  My lease is still up in 7, but on a whim I reserved an apartment that will be ready in 8.  Funny how timing works!  May be I needed a week to be introspective a bit more.  May be Ooops will open a door.  May be its just how things go sometimes.

Day 23 (7WJ) – What happens when we miss it?

by BarbPosted on June 15, 2015 Posted in Uncategorized — No Comments ↓

So, what happens when we miss it?  Miss what you ask?  Miss the time.  Miss the opportunity.  Miss “it”.  You know…the it that makes life special, makes it important.

I started a post 6 days ago.  It was, or could have been, an interesting post.  I thought so.  But, I missed it.  I missed the window of opportunity for it to be interesting because I was caught up in other things.

So what!

Did you realize I missed it?  Probably not!  Did you realize that the interesting moment passed?  Definitely not!  If I rewrote the post and put it up today, you would have not been the wiser.  You didn’t miss the moment, I did.  You didn’t even notice it was gone.

So, was the moment important?  Probably not.  And something to think about, may be it was supposed to be that way?  May be the moment was supposed to be fleeting, to be a moment in time.  There is no telling.  What is one thing that is certain, I can’t change what happened by worrying about it.  So…let go and move on!

I’m on a trip to Orlando.  In a presentation tonight someone said, “over time I’ve learned more and more.  And over that time, I’ve found that less and less is really important”.

I have to agree.  So much seems urgent, tragic, fantastic, earth shattering…until we understand that very little of it really matters.  It is then that we can release our expectation and let ourselves participate in life as it was truly meant to be, in the moment.

Day 16 (7WJ) – It’s Only as Bad as I Let It Be

by BarbPosted on June 7, 2015 Posted in Uncategorized — 2 Comments ↓

Last night, I went to sleep feeling sad and depressed. A few years ago, that type of feeling would have sent me into a downward spiral. It’s the feeling of alone and lonely. It’s the feeling of things not working out. It’s the feeling that you know you are down and don’t know what to do to turn it around.

Thank God it’s not a few years ago!

I thought about how interesting it was to feel the way I did. I had not had a bad day. I had done some shopping. I was getting ready for a trip. I spent time with my daughter. And yet, I felt down. So, I went to sleep.

When I woke up this morning, the feeling was gone. I wasn’t necessarily chipper…the cat had knocked a hat onto the ground for the dog to chew on. He (the cat) had also moved much of the things on my counter including a heavy wire basket. He really is very strange and I never know what I will wake up to.

Ok, back to the point. I woke up and no longer was down and on top of it, I had a couple of insights that will help me in the future.

First, there was nothing wrong with me for getting down. Everyone does from time to time. I wasn’t broken or defective. It just happened to be an emotion. Ok, may be in part it was also a reaction to the sad movie I watched.  What is it with Nicholas Sparks?  I’m not sure it was his movie, but it sure seemed like one. …long lost loves reunite, rekindle flame, one of them dies. Nice until it leaves you wishing things had been different, even though they weren’t. My daughter calls movies that end that way the “worst movie(s) ever.

Second, the problem isn’t being down, the problem is caused when I stay there. If I woke up this morning and thought about that sad feeling and fell into self-pity or self reprimand because I felt that way. That would have caused a problem and it would have continued the negative emotions. I also didn’t use the emotion as an excuse to post “woe is me” prose on Facebook or to send a poor little old me message to a friend. I didn’t feed it and the feeling passed.

It’s nice to still feel like I’m learning things that help me out. It’s nice not to feel stuck or like a victim. It’s nice to know I’m not broken. It’s nice to know that I can move forward today being happy.

Day 14 (7WJ) – Instead of 50 Shades, Try Black or White

by BarbPosted on June 6, 2015 Posted in Uncategorized — No Comments ↓

Now don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of things for which 50 shades may serve a very good purpose, but when one has a tendency to look at problems, opportunities, everything from every possible angle, 50 shades is the last thing I want to do.

This evening, a friend led a small group of us through a tapping session.  If you don’t know about tapping, it is EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique.  Through the process you tap on specific points in your head and body, end points of meridians, to activate nerve endings and to clear energy blocks.  You tap while making specific statements.  We tapped on one theme and its opposite.  We tapped on whether we were worthy or not worthy.  What we were worthy of doesn’t really matter, the point is that the focus was on the thing and the opposite of the thing.

It was amazing!

When faced with two choices and nothing in between, after a little practice and repetition, it was clear that the choice was the positive one.  The choice of “I am worthy” felt much better than “I am not worthy”.  Wow!  Blow my mind!  There are so many applications!

• I can lose weight vs. I can’t lose weight.
• I can write a book vs. I can’t right a book.
• I can get out of debt vs. I can’t get out of debt.
• I live a happy life vs. I live an unhappy life.
• I am happy vs. I am sad.

You get the idea! The positive choice feels better and when I look at it without all of the conditions and the 50 ways to make it partially right or 50 ways it can fail, it is really, really obvious that it is very possible to make the positive one happen.

So, when faced with a choice, don’t think it to death, don’t rationalize it, don’t talk yourself out of it…just make it!  Make the choice that feels best.  Make it and move on!!

Five weeks from today, my lease is up.  No, of course I don’t have a new place yet.  It’s not yet time.

Day 13 (7WJ) – Do You Avoid the Easy Route?

by BarbPosted on June 5, 2015 Posted in Uncategorized — No Comments ↓

In case you didn’t notice, because I didn’t, I had two “Day 11’s”.  Now its fixed.  Onto Day 13!

Do you avoid the easy way of doing things?  If I was asked that question, I feel like I would reply honestly and say, “Oh NO!  Of course I don’t!”  But may be it’s what I’m doing and I don’t realize it.

Yesterday, I was asked to rearrange some travel plans.  I was happy to do it and all it involved was changing a flight to arrive one day earlier.  That simple task consumed me for the next 22 hours.  Clearly not the easy route.

I looked at one airline and then another, and another.  I checked multiple times.  I checked multiple options.  Could I cancel one half the flight?  Could I rebook the flight?  Could I book with another airline?  How would it work?  How much would it cost?  What time would I depart?  Arrive?  Oh MY!

Once I finally decided on just booking another outbound flight I spent three or more hours trying to reach Southwest Airlines.  They were down.  No website.  On hold for 2 hours.  May be I should rethink the plan, again!

I almost decided…or actually I decided to give it a try again once I got home.  Closed my web browsers.  Packed my briefcase…and then it hit me, “WHAT AM I DOING?”  Was I going to actually spend a few more hours on this simple/not-so-simple task?

In the next 10 minutes I cancelled my initial flight, so it could be applied to a later trip, and I booked a new flight.  It was slightly more expensive but now both flights were direct.  There.  Done.

Why didn’t I think to do that the first time?  What could I gain if I didn’t overthink…everything?  What would I gain if I just, “Did It”?

There are a lot of considerations that could have been in my way.  Did I want to save money?  Did I want to pick the perfect timing?  Did I want to make the “Right” decision? (by someone else’s judgement) Clearly, I didn’t WANT to avoid the easy route but that’s what my over thinking was doing to me.

So, I’m now going to try things a different way.  How fast can I make a decision and take action?  Yes or No! Make a decision and move on.  No over thinking, go with my initial gut.  Let’s get things moving!

I know that I’m not the only one who does this.  I know that other people make careful decisions and weigh their options, and may be it works for them.  But, may be it doesn’t.  Take action and correct the course later!  How much can you accomplish if you just get on with it?  How much can I?  I can’t wait to find out!

Day 12 (7WJ) – Upper Limits

by BarbPosted on June 4, 2015 Posted in Uncategorized — No Comments ↓

In The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks writes about how we “upper limit ourselves”.  This happens when we are venturing beyond our comfort zone.  When things are so good that we begin to wonder if they are “too good”.  It is when we sit around waiting for the next shoe to drop.  Well, eventually it does and we hit a roadblock.  We come up against a barrier.  The result, we figure the difficulty is the way that things should be and we give up believing and trying for them to be different. In defeat, we allow ourselves to slide back to our comfort zone, within our “upper limit”.

For the past three weeks, I was doing a great job working out.  Whether at the gym or in my neighborhood I was walking, running, sprinting, biking for 45-60 minutes/day.  I felt great!  So great, that I ignored the growing discomfort in my foot.  And as a result, I’m in a whole lot of pain now.  If I let that upper limit get the best of me, I’d stop working out all together, defeated by an imagined opposition that I really caused.  It was my neglect for ignoring the signs and overdoing the workout.  It wasn’t a sign that I shouldn’t be working out.  Instead, it was a sign that I should listen to my body more.  Lesson learned.

When hit with upper limits often enough, I can believe them to be a message from the universe, designed to “keep me in my place.”  Then, I can lose my capacity for imagination.  Believing myself to be free of boundaries is not the same as being able to imagine myself in a different vision or reality.  One is the absence of painful conditions.  In the other, the conditions are different, changed.

I am actually finding this activity of viewing my conditions to be wonderful, to be very challenging.  I am always imagining the perfect in light of the imperfect present.  Instead, I’m trying to imagine the perfect in light of the infinitely impossible.  It’s a big goal!  Limitless possibilities!  Try it!  What does your idea of perfection without upper limits look like?

Day 11 (7WJ) – Accept not knowing

by BarbPosted on June 3, 2015 Posted in Uncategorized — No Comments ↓

So, it’s day 11.  I suddenly felt the need to do some math and see how many days are left.  … 38 days!  Thirty-eight days out of my original 7 Week Journey (7WJ).  In 38 days my lease is up and I won’t be here.  The question is, “Where will I be?”

I am generally uncomfortable with not having a plan and at the same time, all of my actions fight against the plan that I try to put in place.  In January, I tried to plan for this move.  Put aside money, be in a position that it would be financially easy.  Did I do it?  Nope!  Not one cent.  …I think that I wrote this before.

What I write about were the things I didn’t plan ahead for and was able to do: 1. an extended business trip to California in January, taking my daughter to Beverly Hills for the weekend because she’s always wanted to go.  2. paying for dorms and tuition deposit at UCF – and then ooops, she’s into the school of her dreams, FSU – and doing it all over again. 3. paying for the most expensive prom and dress ever! and 4. paying for multiple family meals to celebrate her graduation.  They weren’t in the plans but they are going to be some pretty awesome memories!

So, I move in 38 days (or less) and right now I don’t know where or how I’m going to pay for it.  Of course, I wouldn’t be writing this if I didn’t believe it was financially possible.  Tight, yes.  But still possible.

Then, of course, there is the little issue of where.  In my mind I can see the place I want.  Problem is, it doesn’t exist in south Florida in my price range.  Closer to work and cut the commute and closer to the beach.  Those are the criteria.  Closer is general is definitely possible, but I want within 2 miles of the beach.  …still looking.

Then, there are other changes I’d like to make in my life.  Mostly in search of an existence I don’t dread every morning.  Is it the commute?  The tasks in general?  Do I just need a vacation?  Or…am I in search of some completely new adventure?  I’m kind of thinking its a little of all of this.  For now, I just don’t know what that something is.  So, I’m trying to ease into the not knowing.  I’m trying to relax and allow myself to recognize the opportunity that arises. I won’t be content not knowing for long, but I know that if I’m too stressed or too busy, it will fly by unnoticed.  For someone who feels they should always know and have a plan I’m acting on, this is the hard part.  The really hard part!  It is fighting all the conditioning and expectations for a perfectly laid out life.  But in reality, my life so far hasn’t been anything close to how I had scripted it in my mind, why should what lies before me be any different.  I can’t wait to see what surprises await me, when I know!

Day 10 7WJ – Let it go!

by BarbPosted on June 2, 2015 Posted in Uncategorized — No Comments ↓

The past three days have been a whirlwind of busy!  I didn’t expect to spend Saturday trying to help get the graduation cap decorated.  I didn’t expect for Sunday to be gone in the blink of an eye…and graduation to take fooorrrreeeeeevvvvvvveeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!  Yes, it was that long.  But, I have to say once again how proud I am of Shelby!  She graduated with honors and is attending a great college. As long as she keeps believing in what’s possible, everything will be!

Her graduation got me to think about new beginnings.  The way they are exciting, the way they are scary.  And just as the saying goes that in every ending is a new beginning, so to, in every beginning is an ending.  A lot of times, I keep myself from really beginning because I want to hang onto what was.  Whether for comfort or familiarity, I want the new, but I just don’t want to say goodbye to the old.  May be it makes sense that without letting go of the old, we can’t fully step into the new.  May be we have to spend that time in between, to let go or the rope from one side, so we may catch it on the other.  Keeping a foot in both places keeps us caught, stuck in-between.  Something to consider with each new day.  I can’t live a different life if I’m still tied to what is the same.

Day 8 (7WJ) – Do what it takes to soar

by BarbPosted on May 30, 2015 Posted in Uncategorized — No Comments ↓

Fantastic, fun, fabulous, fun FRIDAY! I’m thrilled that the work week is complete.  Now for the weekend.

This weekend is about my daughter.  Shelby is graduating from high school on Sunday.  I am so very proud of her.  (I’m proud of all three of my children – in case you are wondering or the other two happen to read this.) But Shelby (the baby) has done it!  Finished high school, gotten accepted to two great colleges, and worked at two different jobs. She has been a successful student, stayed out of trouble, and ….we haven’t killed one another, even though I’m sure it’s crossed her mind.  She has also held the house together and taken care of the pets when I had to travel. I’m proud of her and know that whatever she sets her mind to, she will be able to do.  This weekend, we celebrate her accomplishment and her door to possibility.

That leads me to my subject.  Every morning, I walk the dogs down by the canal.  Our neighborhood has ducks.  A lot of ducks!  This morning, the ducks were out in abundance.  When I was near the water the ducks were wandering around.  Some were in the grass.  Some were in the water.  Then, it happened.  One of the ducks in the water, took flight.  If you’ve never seen it, it is really quite remarkable.  The duck feverishly flaps its wings.  As it does this, its feet touch the water….repeatedly.  So, its feet hitting the surface and causing resistance while the wings work to set it free.  Free to flight.

It reminded me of what it takes to follow your dreams, to set yourself apart.  As we start out, we put forth a lot of effort.  As we do this, we encounter resistance that touches us again and again.  The more we work, the longer we continue, the resistance gets less and less.  Our feet only graze the things that work to slow us down.  Then suddenly, we break free.  The work has paid off and we are beyond that which might have stopped us or slowed us down.  We have won the battle.  We are free to soar.

But it doesn’t end there.  The duck does not fly far before it lands.  This will lead to a new challenge.  It will lead to resistance that it will again, overcome.  How many of us live our lives like this duck?  How many of us allow the challenge to stop us?  I hope that we all learn to fight and overcome.  (kids, this is for you too!)

Day 7 (7WJ) – Does it always matter if you’re right?

by BarbPosted on May 29, 2015 Posted in Uncategorized — No Comments ↓

Day 7!  That means that I’ve been at this for one week and I really want to pat myself on the back!  Creating this habit is probably one of the most personally beneficial habits that I’ve stuck with daily, in a while.

Today started with the gym and 30 minutes on the bike and then weights.  My foot was screaming at me and the thought of running on it might be just be a bit self-abusive.  The workouts have been going for 6 days/week now.  Weight not budging but I’m certain that if I stay with it, it will.  Either that, or I’ll trade the soft parts of me for some more toned, fit ones.

What stands out from today, or really yesterday since its now past midnight, is the question, “Does it always matter if you’re right?”.

Our building has been undergoing “renovations” for the last 7 months.  The 2nd and 4th floor had all the wall board on the exterior walls and insulation removed, and then replaced.  Those floors had mold.  We found it after repeated complaints, and several employees needing surgery for mold in their sinuses.  The 3rd floor, my floor, apparently missed the mold memo.  Skipped right over us, even though I have algae growing between my double-panes of glass.  (Truly a green building.) How could they tell it skipped us?  They cut large square holes in several places in the exterior walls and their little meters didn’t make the right sound.  So now, the 2nd and 4th floors have new walls, new carpet, new ceilings, and the 3rd floor has squares of wall board held in place by blue workman tape, and missing ceiling tiles where the poor work resulted in repeated flooding of offices.  So many wrongs on so many levels.  Did we have problems with the 3rd floor?  Yes.  Does it matter? Apparently no, and being a government building, we are also not held to OSHA standards.  So does being right matter?  In this case, not in any way that counts.  The only result from holding onto right, is being stopped and frustrated by those who don’t listen.

The second example is another one that amazes me.  With new summer requirements around teaching online classes, faculty who teach these classes are now not required to hold face-to-face office hours in summer.  Instead they are to post the times on their door when they will be available virtually.  These means that all those who used to pretend they were following the rules and pretend they were in town, don’t have to pretend any more.  When walking by one faculty’s office I found the sign, “Electronic Office Hours Summer 2015, Sunday 8 p.m. – 10 p.m.”.  I was stunned and want to seriously ask, “Are you kidding me?”  Was this person technically right to post the office hours?  They met that requirement.  But if they believe for one minute that posting reasonably meets the expectation for meeting students’ needs, they may be very surprised.  In some cases, even when you’re right, there is a right that is even more important.

Why do people play games when other people are at stake?  Whether it is health and safety, or job delivery and student learning, your actions don’t just impact you, but they strike others through the ripple effect we begin.  Does it always matter if you’re right?  May be not in the sense that anyone cares but definitely in the sense of who gets the fall out.