It’s Not About You!

This time of year, rushing around and getting ready for the holidays, I have been known to get a wee bit stressed.  All the pressure that I put on myself to make things right, to help my family, to cook great meals, to decorate, to…. And then, there is the end of the year “stuff” that comes up at work.  The end of one semester, grades, grade changes, grade disputes, and the beginning of the next…hiring adjuncts, schedule changes, contracts.  Oh, and in the middle of it all, we have some actual vacation time!  Time off work.  Time to….relax?

I am very, VERY fortunate to have finally built a great support team around me at work.  They are sharp!  They keep everything moving, at least the things that they can do. They are wonderful!  I can’t believe that when I started in my current position about 9 years ago I did ALL of their jobs.  Looking back, I’m not sure how I kept my sanity, but probably the way I handle most other things, I just do it. Not always a good thing because may be they weren’t done right.  But, it gets me moving forward.

So, what am I getting at?  If I get a little stressed, sometimes I snap.  I become a weeeeee bit bitchy.  OK, may be a little more than wee.  OR I let the frustration build up and out come the water works, I’m in tears.  I want you to know that in both of these cases, it is NOT about you.

My emotions are a result of the expectations that I put on a situation.  They are because things are going as smoothly as I had expected.  They are because I’ve imagined a bar, a path, a picture…and it just isn’t happening.

Now, I know that I might have asked you to take the garbage out two days ago and you said you would and it is still sitting there.  But it is still not about you!

Somewhere, in my imagined sense of what is and what should be, I decided that things should look a certain way and when they don’t, I don’t like it much.  Actually, I can probably handle it better than most people, but the comparison gives me an excuse on which to blame my anger and frustration.  You still didn’t do what I wanted you to, but my mood is not on you, it’s on me.

I used to believe that I didn’t make excuses…because I had reasons.  But now, I don’t see the difference, at least not in this case.

So, what can I do if you don’t take out the garbage?  I can set a boundary and make you do it.  I can create consequences.  I can do any number of things but, I don’t have to get upset and make it about me.  I don’t have to blame it on you.  I can hold my ground while still being calm.  At least I think I can, and wouldn’t that be amazing?

So, if you see me getting frazzled; if you find yourself approaching the edge; remember that it’s not because of someone or something else.  In my case, it’s not about you.  But, you still may be able to make it better!