It’s time to embrace YES!!!

So here’s the scoop.  Hawaii was cool!  Hawaii was awesome!  And still, I approached it with subdued pleasure and was very reserved,  unnoticeably jubilant.  So was I really?

Probably a month before the trip initiated, one of my colleagues offered to take everyone to the luau.  A very Hawaiian thing to do, right?  Well fortunately, I caught myself.  Previously I would have politely declined…”no thank you…that’s ok”.  Why?  It wasn’t because I didn’t want to go, but I felt awkward having someone offer to take me and my daughter to an expensive dinner.  Fortunately, I caught myself before saying no, did a quick bit of self-coaching, went with that feeling and said, “Yes.  Thank you.”  Don’t get me wrong.  I still had some discomfort.  But at least I said yes.  Yes!  Is this really me?  I wasn’t sure, but it was definitely nice to go.

Early on the day of the luau, the same colleague also asked if any of us would like to go snorkeling the next morning.  Once again, previously I would have said no.  I would have help back.  The water is cold.   I’ve snorkeled before.  I can just hear the excuses.   But no…I decided to embrace “Yes!” once again, and I loved it.  The snorkeling was fabulous…although a bit cold for this Florida girl.  And my daughter?  Well, she couldn’t bring her body into that chilly water past her knees.  But still I said yes and what’s more, I’m really glad that I did.  Hawaii has far more fish than I’ve seen on any Florida or Bahama reef.

OK, so I was strengthening my yes muscle.

Then came the big day, the big test of my yes.  In looking for things to do that were admittedly within my budget, my daughter found a catamaran ride on Groupon.  I’ve been on a catamaran and loved it.  She had not.  Problem was, the Groupon deal was sold out.  I pondered, I worried, I thought about it, and did some quick calculations…yes, we could still afford to eat until we got home.  So coupon or not, I bought the trip and surprised my daughter.  After all, she had grumbled only a bit when I took her with me on my hikes…so off we went.  It was FABULOUS!  And….I saw whales!!!  Phenomenally cool!!

I’ve thought about those experiences a lot since I’ve been back.  I’ve rolled it over and over in my mind.  I’ve thought about my previous actions and responses and how I had always discounted action or interaction because of some perceived barrier and the result, I played small.  I played small with my life.  I played small with my desires….I want to scream it, “I PLAYED SMALL, BITCH!”  I want to scream it because the realization is incredible and amazing.  (well, for me anyway)  It is like my light was dim and has been changed to high intensity and my switch has been turned on.

I will say yes….no, I will say “YES!!!” to passion, to excitement, to getting my juices going and ramping up my excitement meter off the scales. It’s something that’s been missing, but I couldn’t recognize it.  After all, I had reasons.  Well now, I have reasons, I have reasons to live! I have a chance to squeeze all the positivity and passion out of everything I do and with my light on, I plan to do just that.