Keeping the Lid on Crazy

Two days before Christmas, I was running around, making lists, making more lists, checking things off, revising my lists, and honestly, exhausting myself.

On Christmas Eve, the pattern was the same.  Make the list. Run to the store.  Revise the list. When would my daughter arrive?  What could I do in advance? How much could I get in and get done?

Oh my!  I could have made myself a crazy mess.  Fortunately, this year I didn’t.  I kept reminding myself to do what I could, not to get upset, and that it would all be over in two days, at least the frantic pace of getting ready would be.  The DAY would be here and there would be no more possibility for preparation, no more possibility for making sure that every last loose end would be tied with a pretty little bow.  Admittedly, I’m generally not very good at bow tying.  But the reminder, helped me to understand what I wanted the experience to be like, and it helped me keep a lid on my crazy.

I wish that was the end of the story.  Christmas Eve came and went without problem.  Christmas morning was the same, smooth as silk.  But then came Christmas night.  As the family sat around waiting for dinner and my preparation timeline became tighter and tighter, I realized that I had overplanned and overburdened myself.

Everyone else was sitting around relaxing, chatting and watching TV.  I looked at the table, almost completely covered with dishes and realized that not only had I run out of time, but space to put all the wonderful holiday fare that I’d planned.  Damn those extra vegetables!  Did I really need 6 side dishes?  And a salad?  Not to mention the steak, ham, lobster and crab?  Oops, forgot to say that I was only feeding 6….

At this point, crazy sat on the edge  of the balcony, swung her long, sexy legs in her pretty pink shoes and she stuck her tongue out at me and smirked, as if to say, “Gotcha!”

Well, she did, for a minute.  And then with the support of one of my beautiful daughters, I put my expectations aside, as well as the salad and a side dish, and after a few frustrated tears welled up in my eyes, I told crazy to take a hike!  I wasn’t going to let her ruin this day that would be over far to soon.

When I let myself, I have this little bit of crazy that invades my mind and tries to push me aside.  Unfortunately, she’s not the kind of crazy that I can have fun wish.  She is very consuming and far too spiteful!  But I’m learning to put her in her place and to keep a tight lid on her.  When I’m able to catch myself, or rather when I’m able to catch her, I realize that she doesn’t serve me and she isn’t the way I want to feel.  It might take a few reminders, a stomp on my toe or a loving hug, but when I finally get my attention, I realize that crazy isn’t me, or at least isn’t the me that is happy!

I hope you were able to keep a lid on your crazy and had a wonderful Christmas too!