Love yourself – even your messy bits!

So, true picture. This is my closet. Or at least it was a week ago. It looks better now – kind of – a little! Lol!!!

But this isn’t about my closet or getting things in order. I know that I will have many of my space-clearing, organize your life, everything in its place friends wanting to hold an intervention, but sorry guys, I’m not that kind of gal and I own it.

This is about another kind of messy. The kind that creeps in when and where you least expect it. The message that fuses with and spills out of the cracks of your life.

Ok. Let’s take my closet. I said it wasn’t about it but let me use that as an example. My closet sucks! My organization of my closet sucks. It sometimes makes life difficult. But, my strength is that I am extremely flexible. I’m not bothered by lack of structure. I like to engage in a wide variety of projects, and as a teacher, I could pretty well tolerate a chaotic classroom. So I was also able to understand that my students solved problems in different ways and learned as ideas made sense to them.

I see all these flexible qualities as a good thing but know that’s it’s also why I can tolerate my closet getting into such a state.

Let me pose another example. I never realized it, but one of my core values is safety. Well, safety or acceptance. I’m working on how the two are distinguishable, even though I accept that maybe they aren’t.

I believe the world is, or should be, a safe place. So as a result, I support others rights to state their opinions and to do their own thing. Last week, I saw a meme about a man who used to wear women’s underwear on Wednesday’s. …. I think I dated that man. Yes, really! And you know what I value? That it was safe for him to let me know that. Like my ability to tolerate chaos, I think that my tolerance provides the room for others a safe space to share. To feel open to be themselves.

So, how does it suck? My belief that the world should be a safe place has also caused me to be very naive and gullible. Someone could spin a tale and if it sounded halfway convincing, I would buy it. Hook, line, and sinker! Yup. I’ve been laughed at more than a few times for that.

Then, when I recognized that people weren’t holding safe space for me the way I did them, well that means I have to create my own. Trust nobody! Oh hell, now that really sucks. Because trusting no one causes inner conflict because it directly opposes my belief in safety.

So what makes me special (in a good way) can also cause me grief. But cutting back on the bad will also decrease the good. When I put up walls for my own safety, I lose the ability to interact with others in a way I value. When I try to become more rigid and keep things in place, it consumes my focus and I lose some of my creative ability. It’s messy.

After all these years I’ve decided that I don’t want to be milk toast. I don’t want to be bland, boring and middle of the road. I have learned to love my messy bits. And love my stories of how they’ve come to be messy. Because they are what make me who I am and it’s what makes me special! Does that make sense?

I’d love to hear about your messy bits! Please let me know if you liked this or found it helpful in any way. I want to create a place to support you and I can’t do it if I don’t know whether this makes sense to anyone but me.

Oh… and Happy Valentine’s Day Loves! 💕