My Year of Acceptance

Looking back on the past year, I realized that it had a theme. It was one of acceptance and love…but mostly acceptance.

Of course, it was not the way that I thought the year was going to go!

Last fall, I was able to attend two incredible workshops on writing and promoting yourself and your writing. So, I approached December and the dawn of 2014 with the idea that I was going to move forward. I needed to move forward. I was going to write and set the world on fire. Have you seen my name in lights? Nope? Well, neither have I.

The workshops asked a lot of questions: What is your platform? Who is your audience? Do you already have a following? Hmmm – I’m not sure. I’m not sure. And, Hell no! In fact, I was doing everything I could to keep my passion for writing and for the “self-help” medium a secret. I want to laugh as I write that because I know friends who might read this and “disown” me. And I’m finally at the point where I can say, that while it would make me sad, I’m good with that!

After Speak, Write, and Promote last November in New York City Cheryl Richardson said to us, “Go home and digest what you learned…and don’t DO anything for 12 weeks.” At least I think it was 12 weeks. It might have been 6 months. The length of time seemed incomprehensible to me. What? Don’t DO? Isn’t doing what will make things happen? Isn’t doing what you are supposed to do?

So, I tried to do….in a variety of formats and venues. I tried to force myself to be happy with myself. I tried to force my writing. I tried to force my finances. I tried to force my weight loss. And none of it happened. At least, none of it happened by force.

The more I tried to force direction and outcomes, the more I had a nagging need just to “be”. I would try, I would push myself, I would beat myself up for not doing better, not accomplishing, and then I would feel the need to step away and be quiet. I felt the need to…actually be good to myself. What a novel concept.

Being good to myself wasn’t a matter of rewards, it was a product of knowing that I was trying and doing my best. It was an acknowledgement that I will make mistakes. It was….acceptance. And it would happen time and time again until I realized that acceptance, self-love, was what I wanted and needed most. I couldn’t find what I was looking for in the good jobs or the atta boys of others, I had to accept myself and my feelings.

I had to accept that I make mistakes. I had to accept that not everyone is going to like me. I had to accept that even though I may not be content with some of the trimmings, I’m OK with me, who I am, where I’m going, and what I want (even though I’m not always sure what that might be…precisely). Oh, and I realize that the trimmings are like decorations. What you put up or put on in one season doesn’t have to last a lifetime. (I hope those extra pounds around my hips hear that! Because their time has come…and is now gone!) I can change my mind, change my job, change my looks, change my life….and it doesn’t have to be because I’m wrong or deficient in the way that I was….I can do it just because I want to!

Now, that’s one hell of a freeing and fabulous idea! I can change something in my life just because I want to!

So, it’s been a good year! It’s actually been a fabulous year! I really owe so very much to all those who have helped me own my own skin this year! I can’t wait to see what develops for 2015! Happy Early New Year!