Permission

Do you have something(s) that you need to give yourself permission for?

As I lay awake last night at 2, 3, 4 a.m.,  with my journal beside my bed, countless thoughts came together magically and created a kind of virtual burlesque.  They were all pretty sexy, with the peak of each thought seducing me to turn on my light and write.  Clearly, they were more tantalizing than the sleep that should have been waiting for me!

Through the self-created light show, I realized that each and every flick was strengthening my resolve and the muscle I needed to give myself permission.  And now to capture it here and to act on it.

I give myself permission to fill this page with “word vomit”, conscious streams of thought that flow from my mind to my fingers.  And as this vomit is spewing forward, I give myself permission to rid myself of my demons and grow lighter through the release.  (Sorry! That was quite a leap from sexy burlesque to spewing vomit.)

I give myself permission to let go of the critical asshole voice that hovers in my head and over my fingers.  The voice that always tells me it’s not good enough, strong enough, structured enough…not f’ing whatever enough. Oh yea, and “What will THEY think?”  To paraphrase Elizabeth Gilbert from Big Magic, that voice can join me on the ride but from here out I’m expecting it to sit there and shut it.

That leads me to the third thing I give myself permission for.  I give myself permission to fuck up in any way I so choose!  Take that all you finger wagging fear mongers and those who say that I shouldn’t dare!  While I may get bruised in the process, I may also like it.  Playing safe is for sissies!

I give myself permission to be afraid as I’m going for it.  But I do not give myself permission to let it stop me.  Back to the words of Elizabeth Gilbert but also to the wisdom of Nancy Levin who says, “Resistance is an invitation to reconnect to your desire.”

Finally, I give myself permission to love what I do and get pleasure from it.  Permission to make a commitment to that pleasure and desire, and to being tuned-in and turned-on! I give myself permission to strip away the heavy obligations and to indulge in tasks that are rich and delicious or to play with the onerous ones until they change their appearance and become so.

Permission.  Let’s open the door and see where it leads!