What Mask are You Wearing?

Yesterday I read a quote by RuPaul that got me thinking.  He said, “We’re born naked, and the rest is drag.”  In a drag show, men dress up as women and perform.  They don’t just dress up, they go ALL out.  Big hair.  Big makeup. Over the top heals and dress.  They perform and go all out for the performance.

So, in thinking about the quote, how different is that from how we sometimes show up in various aspects of our lives? The person I am as a student is not the same as the person I am at home.  As a mother, I’m not the same as when I’m out on a date.  So with that I wonder, when do I wear a mask and why?  Does it feel right to put it on or does it feel like it doesn’t fit?

I generally come out of situations where I feel like I’m not fully myself and I am exhausted.  The make believe of being someone I’m not, or someone I don’t feel comfortable being, is work to maintain.  The small talk that I don’t want to make.  The smile that is plastered on my face.  All those things take effort.  And I wonder, if the effort is a good thing.  Is it a worthwhile act to push myself outside my comfort zone?

While going outside my comfort zone helps me to grow, if I don’t feel grounded to who I am, I come out of the experience feeling disconnected.  As though I’ve just run a marathon and can’t feel my legs any more.  There is nothing left to ground me.

Over the past couple of years, I have done a lot of work trying to find my center.  In doing so, I have done less of the fake smile chit-chat and ask myself more and more, is this who I am or what part of myself do I get to express here?  I can wear a mask, if it is still representing me.  If it is still part of me.  When I get to play those roles and wear the masks that are really me, I uncover and extend who I am and who I can be.

So what mask are you wearing?  Is it one that separates you or one that connects you to a deeper part of yourself?