What Now?

So my challenge is over.  Did I win anything?  Nothing material.  But I learned that I might not be able to fit in writing every day, but I can fit it in most days.  But why?  Why would I want to?  Why would I want to add something onto my plate?  I think the answer is pretty simple.  It is because I get more out of doing it, than if I didn’t.  It has brought me insights and freedom.  It has brought me some surprising connections with people who I didn’t think were listening, most importantly, me.  Did I really think that those words, all those words that roll around in my head just went unnoticed?  Well, I always heard that they were pretty powerful, but now I understand how powerful they can be.  I understand that my words will move me far better when I say them (or write them) then when they just swirl in a jumbled mess inside my head.  Do you know that feeling?  I do!  I have often thought that I’m the Queen of Jumbled Messes, crooked tiara and all.  The thoughts and the ideas just swirl and bump into one another.  They fight for space.  They fight each other for logic, or logical structure.  They fight for their right to be seen and to live.  And letting them bump into one another isn’t living.  So what now?  What now is that I’m going to write.

This post went off in a different direction than I had intended for it to go.  It bumped into an idea and became something different.  Sometimes ideas do that.  But I think that it only happens when you release the restraints and let them run.  Give them some room to move and breathe.

This idea started over  the debate, that the ideas in my head were having, over “what now?”.  I was wondering how many people who participated in the challenge would keep going and how many would be relieved that it is over and now they can put aside the pressure and the guilt.  They can participate in the holidays.  They can relax.  How do we let something that we’ve committed to for 30 days…or more…or less, how do we let it change us?  Or do we?  Have we let the experience into my soul so that I come out different.  A similar but gracefully pushed forward creature.  Or do I set it aside…with a pat on the head and a “that was nice” and retreat to the person I was before I began.  Did I give it time to grow and move, breathe and shape shift?  Did I give it time to push me and for me to push it?

I believe there are some experiences that we can set aside and walk away from, not wanting to continue engaging with the turmoil they thrust into our paths.  But other experiences reach inside.  They dance!  They draw you into the game, the artwork, the creation.  They scream your name!  And that’s when you don’t even have to wonder what is next, because you already know!