When did I become unrecognizable?

A couple of days ago I changed my Facebook picture.  It was something that I didn’t think much about.  But, the reaction was not what I expected.  My new picture received no fewer than 50 likes.  Really?  It’s just my face!  (please – no jokes)

Seriously though, my posts don’t usually get that many likes but in this picture I looked…happy, and there was just that spark that set it aside from most.  So I cropped myself out of the middle, and used it.  Guess it was a good call.

But one of the comments that I received said, “That’s the Barb I remember.”  Excuse me?  Did she really go away?  So I’m left to wonder, when did I become unrecognizable?

I have to admit, the comment made me consider the Barb I was then and the one I am now.  What were my hopes, my dreams, my outlook? How does it all happen?  How does it all change?

Some changes are probably for the best…(I’m not sure that I buy that, but bear with me.)  I have had more experiences. I am now more responsible.  I take care of a lot of people and things.  I am able to get my oil changed and I am able to travel to foreign countries…by myself…and do so without falling apart.  Those are all pretty good things.

But I have to admit, the Barb back then was pretty happy.  I was generally overly optimistic and even though I didn’t get everything I wanted…when I didn’t, I moved on to the next dream.  The Barb back then usually didn’t feel stress…LOL, but may be it’s because I believed that almost every possibility was open before me.

I’m not sure when it all changed and how it faded away.  I’m not sure how I became so consumed by getting it done and doing it (mostly) right.  When did I become needy of approval and then fearful of lack of approval?  When did I start new conversations with, “The problem is….”?  What an eye-opener!  Tonight I heard Penny Northrup-Kirk and Dr. Christiane Northrup say that “we have become habituated to living in a constant state of inflammation.”  Ouch!

So, where did my spark go?  I can point to lots of events and no one moment in particular but now that I realize what it looks like, I have gathered some new kindling!  I’m going to use what I have learned to let life flow again and to keep that flame re-ignited.

I don’t know if you can relate, but if you can, I’d love to hear how you keep your fire stoked!