Why do I need someone else’s permission?

Coming off of a whirlwind few weeks, where I’ve been pushing and pressing, where I’ve been stressed…but also relieved and thrilled…I hit the wall.

SMASH!

Yup!  Ran into it head-on and full faced…and with both barrels.   First, I came off an incredible high, after a few very positive days I was hit by a rush of questioning and self-doubt.  Crap!  I hate it when that happens.  It’s a true, flashing upper-limit…in bright neon.   Did I really deserve to feel great?  Was the good event really just the start of the other shoe dropping?  And then it came.

The second barrel was waking up in the middle of the night feeling like I had knives in my throat.  I hadn’t been sick once in the past year and suddenly here I was…achy, sore throat, ugh!

So, what would I do? Of course,  I went to work!  I was suffering self-doubt and feeling like I’d been hit by a truck…and I went to work.  It really didn’t make me feel any better.  I know that’s a shocker, but I thought I could muddle through and out work what was bothering me.  Wrong!

Today I thought that I could do the same.  I thought that I’d be able to rest a bit, take a nap and go in late,  make my commute and rally for the meetings I was supposed to attend in the afternoon.  It was what I was supposed to do!  I would show up!

NO, please don’t!

Sharing my plan was mostly met with comments from those who agreed with it.  They were sorry I was sick but more concerned about the tasks at hand.  Then, one person said to me….”No.  You don’t need to do that.  Take care of yourself.”

While I wanted to argue, I dropped my shoulders, agreed, and finally began to relax.  As I did, I could feel the stress leaving my body.  And I slept.  But before I drifted off, I wondered why I had needed someone to tell me, to give me permission to take care of myself.  Someone had to tell me that whatever was going on, that it could happen without me and it would be OK.  I couldn’t do it for myself, I needed their permission.

Today, that one person made a difference for me.  She called to my attention what I was missing, that I was more important than the tasks or the responsibilities, and that it was OK for me to relax and just be…just be sick and allow myself to get better.

I’m still under-the-weather, but I feel more whole, loved, and cared for…even if it was just from that one other person who got through to me!

Do you need permission to do something that’s good for you?