Why It’s Not About Can’t

Over two years ago I started a free Blogspot, “It’s Not About Can’t”.  I hadn’t defined it much.  I knew my intention, I just didn’t know how to talk to people about it.  Clearly, it went nowhere.

So I haven’t kept up with that blog but the tag line stuck.  It’s Not About Can’t.  And now, I have it on Facebook.

So what’s it all about?  What do I mean that “it’s not about can’t”?

As far back as I can remember, I would be use the phrase, “I’d love to…BUT….”.  Or, “I’d love to, but I can’t”.  I KNOW that friends thought that I was blowing them off.  They thought that I was making up excuses.  But it was always so much the opposite.  I was using the phrase to try to express my desire, and at the same time, my limitation.

So, “Would you like to go to lunch?”  – “I’d love to but I have to get home.”  Sometimes that was true and sometimes it meant that I would love to but I didn’t have the money.

“Would you like to go out after work?”  – “I’d love to but I have to get home for my children.”  or “I’d love to but my husband is expecting me.”

I said “I’d love to but….” so often that people stopped asking and I stopped being invited.

When I developed some closer friends who I could be more honest about the reasons, or who had stopped asking, I would say, “I’d love to hang out, but I can’t because….(I don’t have money, my husband is expecting me, my kids have a game.”  I really and truly wanted to participate…but believed that someone or something else held the power, so I couldn’t.

It happens at work too.  We’d love to change the rules but we can’t because of (you name it) funding, protocol, rules, the way its always been, no one will help….the list of excuses here is endless.

So, why “it’s not about can’t”?  Because in spite of using these words and seeing myself by what I perceived to be my limitations, one day I woke up and realized that in spite of all my can’ts, I’ve done a hell of a lot and have accomplished some pretty amazing things.  I realized that in spite of my can’ts, I’ve had a lot of CAN’S…and the can’s have been bigger, grander, and bolder than anything that I never felt I couldn’t do.

And why, “it’s not about can’t”?   Because I have heard this out of the mouths of numerous men and women who are trying to make an excuse for something they really want to do.

What don’t I like about “it’s not about can’t”?  – It’s a double negative.  Well, in mathematics terms that means its a positive but for the average person all they hear is negative negative….and that equals negative.  And I want the message to acknowledge the limitations we put on ourselves and allow us to release them to embrace the alternative.

Ultimately, it’s a work in progress.  It’s not about can’t because it is really about do.  What we do is more than what we think we can’t.  What we do (that makes us feel alive) is more important than being done with it and remembering when we were (alive).

It’s not about can’t!  I think I prefer to be a work in progress!!